Indonesian

– When after every sentence you say … Iyaaahh!
– You too believe traffic lanes, stop signs and one way streets are mere suggestions and that sidewalks were meant to drive on or they wouldn’t have paved them.
– The footprints on the toilet seat are your own
– You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue
– You habitually punch all the buttons as you leave the lift
– You’re willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn’t go to within a kilometer of at home
– It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting
– You no longer wonder how someone making US $200 per month can drive a Mercedes
– You accept the fact that you have to queue to get your number for the next queue
– You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car
– You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is on final approach
– You walk to the pub with your arm around your mate
– You answer the telephone with Hello-Hello more than 2 times
– You are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four items on the menu
– A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine
– You believe everything you read in the local newspaper
– You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different
– You think it is normal to wait six days to get your laundry back or pay 50% surcharge for same day service
– Taxi drivers understand you
– Suitable family entertainment for Friday night is to dress the whole family in dark clothing and dash back and forth across Jalan Sudirman and other busy streets
– You think it’s logical to dry your hands with Kleenex
– You find yourself getting upset with inflation because the price of the buffet in a five-star hotel is now nearly ten dollars
– Going out for a drink with your coworker, he shows up with his girlfriend, even though you are on a first name basis with his wife
– Someone tells you that 10 kbs is a pretty good download speed
– There is no discount for what is clearly a demo model
– A gaggle of teenage girls swoon as you walk by
– The cute looking girls in Singapore seemingly pay you no notice whatsoever
– You find yourself looking at a photo of Demi Moore in a half naked pose and find yourself thinking that she looks rather unfeminine and unattractive
– McDonald’s is out of hamburgers and KFCs is out of chicken
– You can walk into a five-star hotel lobby unshaven, in jogging shorts, ratty t-shirt and flip-flops and DON’T get an awkward glance from the management.
– A bathroom with four attendants is so disgustingly filthy that you wouldn’t step into it back home … and one of those attendants sole job is to hand you flimsy, single-ply toilet paper to dry your hands.
– You look left, right, backwards, forwards, up and down before crossing a one way street.
– You reach for a baseball bat every time Joshua appears on TV (approx. every three minutes)
– Your main source of entertainment is the JP letters page
– You’ve seen every hollywood blockbuster three weeks before its premier
– You know at least fifty anachronisms
– You sing along with the Dancow adverts on TV
– You drink tap water (don’t do this at home kids)
– You know most of the characters in the sinetrons
– You ARE one of the characters in the sinetrons
– You pick your nose in public
– You start to pronounce ‘the’ as ‘de’
– You take a book to read on the journey to work ( thank you for that one Mr Cook)
– You carry tissues in your pocket for ’emergency stops’ (or spare socks, thanks again Dave)
– You answer the phone in Bahasa Indonesia
– You consider an 18 year old getting on a bit (Dee’s place door policy)
– Your current girlfriend is younger than your daughter
– The term “Blok M” starts sounding like a glittering venue for shopping and nightlife rather than part of a concentration camp
– The blowpipe salesmen stop trying to sell you a blowpipe
– The titles “Mr. Bob” and “Miss Barbara” begin to sound normal to you
– You stop wondering why the concept of turning lanes never occurred to traffic engineers in Jakarta
– You stop wondering if the concept of traffic engineers ever occurred to anyone in Jakarta
– Someone says they are “going to go to Slipi,” and you don’t think they are using baby talk
– You find a fly in your Bintang, and you fish the fly out with a spoon and drink it anyway
– You find a fly in your Bintang, and you drink it fly and all. (That’s how you know you have really been in Indonesia too long).
– You make at least two visits a day to a coffee shop when you’re in the mall
– You are no longer confused when you are asked if you want some ‘beep bacon’ (beef bacon) with your eggs.

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