Australian

– You know the meaning of the word “girt”.
– You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
– You think it’s normal to have a leader called Kevin.
– You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
– You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son’s pencil case when he first attends school.
– When you hear that an American “roots for his team” you wonder how often and with whom.
– You understand that the phrase “a group of women wearing black thongs” refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
– You pronounce Melbourne as “Mel-bin”.
– You pronounce Penrith as “Pen-riff”.
– You believe the “l” in the word “Australia” is optional.
– You can translate: “Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.”
– You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
– You call your best friend “a total bastard” but someone you really, truly despise is just “a bit of a bastard”.
– You think “Woolloomooloo” is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
– You wear ugh boots outside the house.
– You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
– You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.
– You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
– You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.

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