A girl wearing a skirt was reading her favorite book under an apple tree. A boy suddenly approached her and said “I would pay you $5 if you would help me climb the tree and pluck me an apple”. The girl replied, “Sure! I’ll help you.” The boy then handed her the $5 after receiving the apple. Later that night, she told her mom how she got $5 by picking apples for a boy. Her mother said…
My buddy and I were out for a walk and noticed this giant hole in a field…
We walked up to the hole and threw in a small rock; no sound; no signs of it hitting the bottom!
So we found a larger rock and threw it into the hole; no sound; no signs of it ever hitting the bottom.
My buddy notices a bunch of railroad ties along the forest line nearby…
A man walks into a bar, takes a seat, and asks the bartender for three shots of gin. The bartender gets one shot of gin and sets it in front of the gentleman.
"I'll take all three right now, if you don't mind," says the man. He puts $20 on the bar.
The bartender puts down two more shots of gin and picks up the $20. He watches from the far end of the bar as the man slowly sips the three shots of gin, one after another, pondering and lost in thought while he drank. After the third shot he thanks the bartender and leaves.
A police officer pulls over a car full of old women. He says “Mam, you realize you can’t drive that slow on the highway. It’s dangerous.”
She responds “Isn’t the speed limit 33?”
Laughing the cop says “No man…
A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but before you start you should know, I'm blonde. The woman on your left is a blonde, and the man on your right has a black belt in karate and is also blonde… Are you SURE you want to tell a blonde joke in here?" The blind man replies, "Nah, not if I have to explain it three times."
An off duty soldier took a train.
When the train reaches its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. ‘At ease soldier, sit down.’
The train reached its second stop, again the soldier…
A great scientist invents a machine to split the pain of birth between a couple…
He finds a couple who just went into labor, and asks them if he can use the machine on them, as a test.
The couple agrees, and the husband says “We can split it 50 – 50, its only fair”. So the scientist turns the machine up to 50%, just as the baby begins coming out, and the women starts groaning in pain…
The Englishman wasn’t technically a man, but was rather the sentence, “What do you call a fish with no eyes?”.
Likewise, the Scotsman wasn’t technically a man either, but was actually the sentence, “I don’t know
A blonde is putting together a puzzle.
She calls her boyfriend at work and tells him that she needs him to come home to help her.
He keeps telling her that he can’t leave work right now, but she’s very insistent.
“Well, what’s the picture on the box?” He asks.
Upon arrival in heaven, God said, “Since you have died in a terrible way, I’ll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven.”
The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says “I wish to be beautiful.” God grants her wish. …
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