FunnyGuy

Classic Jokes

Once in Hell

written by   FunnyGuy

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
Satan decides to let each of them call their own countries but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K…

Blonde Jokes

A Blond, Brunette and Redhead

written by   FunnyGuy

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad, one by one.
While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape.

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Classic Jokes

An Undercover Cop

written by   FunnyGuy

An undercover cop called at my farm in the sticks yesterday evening…
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said
“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.
That cop exploded saying “Do you know who the fuck I am ?! I have the authority of the government with me”…

Naughty Jokes

An Italian Girl

written by   FunnyGuy

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
“Thank you, honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?”
He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!”
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”

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Naughty Jokes

Once in Vegas

written by   FunnyGuy

A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab!"

Funny Stories

Profitable Gorilla

written by   FunnyGuy

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in store for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.