On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”…
Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend..
So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing. Dave didn't want to get in the man's way and just let him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a t-shirt saying, “Turks got 3 problems.”
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.
Russian: that’s your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily…
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”…
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, “Honey…
A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up
So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day.
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Walks into a bar.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.
A man was teaching his wife golf…
The wife struck the golf ball so hard that it went to the neighbours house and they heard a crash like it broke something.
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