A Blonde and a Lawyer are on a Plane
A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane
And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.
FunnyGuy
A Terrorist on a Suicide Mission
So while the other terrorists were wrapping him with all kinds of bombs they looked him in the eye and told him: you're going on a suicide mission so don't fail us. The terrorist replied: I'm prepared to die!! And so they sent him to the city and he goes to a school and he calls the base: should I do it here!! And they replied: no it's not crowded enough, go somewhere else. And so he goes to a mall and again contacts the base: should I do it here!! And they replied: no it's no crowded enough either go somewhere else. And so he goes to a stadium on a matchday and he contacts the base again and says: should I do it here!!! And they replied: yes!!! It's crowded enough!!! do it!!! He pulls out a dagger and stabs himself
Dad on His Death Bed
Dad on his death bed: Son, I have to tell you something
Son under his breath: I bet I’m adopted
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Perfect Frank
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Genie
Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes
Me: I wish for a world without lawyers
Genie: Done, you have no more wishes
On a Private Plane
A Russian, an American and a Vietnamese were on a private plane together.
At 10,000 feet, the plane started encountering some problems and the pilot announced: "Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are running out of fuel, we will need to throw our baggage away to reduce the weight if we wish to land safely!"
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A Cranky Woman
A cranky woman decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.” because her husband was coming home late again,
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
A Secret Service Agent
The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.
A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!”
Am I adopted?
Fred came home from University in tears.
“Mum, am I adopted?”
“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city….
A Group of Guys
A group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Plot Twist
A little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad goodbye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room praying again. she says “good night mom, good night dad, goodbye grandma”….
A Gentleman and the Pope
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Try to understand
Try to understand
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Book That Made You Cry
Book That Made You Cry
