Professional Poker Player
I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.
For the first couple of weeks, I didn’t earn much money.
FunnyGuy
The Atheist
An atheist is walking along the bank of Loch Ness, suddenly, out of the depths appears Nessie.
She snatched the atheist up in her jaws and threw her head back, throwing thim up in the air. Just before the atheist fell into Nessie’s jaws he cries out
Why I Fired My Secretary
Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me.
The Logic Professor
One day Bill is on a walk when he sees his new neighbor, John.
He greets him and they start getting to know each other.
Jokes to your email!
Counting
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, “13… 13… 13…”
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Strongest Man
The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him. The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
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The Secret of Long Life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice, ripe old age.”
The CEO
A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.
“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said.
In a Mental Hospital
Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said…
The 7 Dwarfs Go to the Vatican
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
World’s Funniest Cats
Funny cats all around web
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Father To Be
Four husbands are outside a maternity ward, waiting for the nurse to tell them about the babies their wives gave birth to.
The nurse walks up to the first man and says: “Congratulations your wife gave birth to twins!” The man says: “What a coincidence because I work at a restaurant called 2 cities.”
