A young boy living on a farm came down to eat breakfast.
His mother told him he had to do his chores before he could eat. He got mad but went out to do his chores when a chicken ran across in front of him so being still mad he kicked it. Momma was watching.
A man is sitting alone in a bar staring at a drink. In walks a surly, tatted-up biker. He sees the man sitting alone, walk over, picks up the man’s drink, and downs it in one go. He then looks at the man and says, “What are ya gonna do about it, huh?”
I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.
Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow.
The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with nowhere to run.
Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking “woof, woof!”.
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.
She was asked to give a little speech she spoke as follows:
A blonde sees a guy walking down the street with a package labeled “The Dildo Store”
“What’s in the bag?” asks the blonde.
An old Jewish man is lying on his deathbed with his wife Becky by his side.
He looks to Becky and says: “Many years ago Becky we were in Germany when the war began. Becky, you were by my side.
An American spy comes into a Soviet bar
And orders a drink.
A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.
“Ow! Why did you do that?” asks he Chinese man.
Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave…
A US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies…
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
The old man was riding his Lambordgini at a speed of 100 miles/hour. Suddenly, he saw that he was being harassed by the police. Old man starts speeding up 140 then 150 then 180.
Suddenly slows down and thinks, ′′ I’m too old for this “.
A guy one day goes to a museum that has a dinosaur exhibit.
He spends a few hours wandering around and admiring the skeletons of a variety of dinosaur species. At one point he stops in front of a particular exhibit trying to get some sense of its actual size and age of this magnificent creature. He notices not too far from him a museum worker and says to him, “Quite a beast. I wonder how old it is.”
John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun and comes back to ecstatic. His neighbor Tolya asks him what he saw there.
“Well, I saw a giraffe.”
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