A Man Is In A Bar Having A Drink
A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks,
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The Pope and Donald Trump
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Community Service Week
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
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He Hasn’t Been To Church For A While
A man hasn’t been to church for a long while and decides he’d better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he’s amazed to find that it’s got a bar lined with the finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.
I Stepped On A Duck
Jack emigrates to a strange new country in search of a job.
When he arrives at the terminal, the customs officer gives him one piece of strange advice before he enters the country.
What They Wanted To Be
The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.
When it came to Johnny he said, “I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I’ll get me a bitch, and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.”
The Keys
Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.
Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.
A Horse Auction
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father…
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest.
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The First Meeting
A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner…
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
Three Brothers
There once lived three brothers with unusual names. Their names were Shut Up, Poop and Manners.
One day they were having a car ride when poop fell out of the car and got run over by the car. Shut Up immediately went to call a paramedic for help while Manners tried to get Poop up off the road.
A Wonder Vacuum Cleaner
Once a man knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door.
Without a word, the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag, and threw on the carpet.
Two Aliens Come To Our Planet…
Two Aliens come to our Planet
They are greeted by armed forces. They inform us that our inferior weapons don’t stand a chance against them. The only way they will let us go is if we can make them laugh. However, they have seen all jokes there are on the internet and only a new original joke will work on them. Humanity gathers the greatest comedians and scientists to come up with an original joke but everyone’s opinion on what is a good joke turns out to be at conflict. Furious, one scientist proclaims that we have to know which of our earlier jokes the Aliens at least found funny. All the comedians and scientists agree on this. So a scientist goes to talk with the Aliens and ask them which of our old jokes they laughed at the most. The Aliens respond.
Do You Understand?
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
100 Penguins…
A truck driver was transporting 100 penguins from Melbourne to Perth when he breaks down in the middle of the desert…
A mechanic takes a look and tells the truckie that the repair will take at least two days. He knows that the penguins won’t survive in the heat for that long so he flags down a passing truck and offers the driver $5000 to take the penguins to the Perth zoo for him.
She Is From Alberta
The only cow in a small town in the USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.
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…A Book About Shepherds
A journalist decides he wants to write a book about shepherds. So, he decides to travel the world to interview different shepherds.
His first stop is somewhere in the plains of Asia and he finds a lonely sheepherder, tending his flock.
