We’ll Learn About Each Other
A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”
FunnyGuy
In The Store
A guy goes to the store to get a lightbulb.
He goes to the cashier and asks:
Him: Do you have any two-watt bulbs?
The Octopus
A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I bet $100 that no one here has a musical instrument that my octopus can’t play.”
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old lute.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing Toss a Coin To Your Witcher. The octopus’s owner pockets the $100.
The Devil Is Surprised
The devil is rather bored. It’s been a while since he’s been up to some mischief…
So he picks a small countryside church to terrorize. He rolls in through the open door on a cloud of brimstone and dark lightning. The entire congregation scatters, save for the Pastor and an elderly farmer sitting in one corner chewing on a piece of straw. He is piqued and wanders over to the farmer.
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Talking Dog For Sale
A guy is driving around the backwoods and he sees a sign in front of a broken-down, shanty-style house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
A Romantic Text
One day a woman decides to send a romantic message to her husband.
So she wrote, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, sent me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
The Welder
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender says “wow, you don’t see that every day! Man, what’s your story?”
The duck says “I’m a welder at the construction site across the street. I’ll be here for a few months while we finish the building,” and picks up his newspaper and starts reading. The bartender…
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Hazelnuts
So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder
I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me:
An Atheist In Hell
An atheist dies and goes to hell
The devil welcomes him and says: “Let me show you around a little bit.” They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. “This is your house now, here are your keys.” The man is happy and thanks to the devil. The devil says: “No need to say thank you, everyone gets a nice place to live in when they come down here!”
He Meets The Devil Again
A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening… suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him
and whispers zombifyingly, “Take all the money in your purse, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!”
The Housemaid
This wealthy couple is employing a housemaid. She decides to ask for a raise.
She goes to the lady and asks: “Ma’am, I’d like a raise.”
In The Train
An American soldier, serving in World War II had just returned from several weeks of battle on the German front lines.
The soldier had been granted rest and relaxation and was on a train that was bound for London.
A Married Man
A married man went to church to confess
“Father, forgive me for I have almost had sex with another woman,” he said
Christian Feelings
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn’t have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed “Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some Christian feelings”.
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You’re Wasting Your Time
A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
