A guy was admitted to the hospital and he fell in love with the nurse.
She used to take care of him and very nice to him. Always checking up on him and giving him extra attention compared to other patients. Therefore, the guy thought that the nurse was into him as well.
A group of teens, all 16, are hanging out together.
As they conversate, one girl admits she’s been having terrible menstrual cramps all day long and it’s extremely tender to even so much as poke her stomach.
The husband saw an action: “24-pack of beer for 20 €!”, He quickly grabbed it and dropped it into the shopping cart. The wife saw him and asked:
“What are you doing?” He replies:
Bill and Bob both really love baseball.
The two guys made a deal that whoever died first would have to come down from above and tell the other guy if there was baseball in heaven.
When Bill died, he came down to tell Bob.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives. Henry started by saying,
“I think my wife is fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she is cheatin’ on me with a carpenter!” Tom answered,
A man is suicidal and is about to jump off a building
“Don’t do it!” shouts another man from behind him. “God loves you and has given you life for a purpose.”
“Really?” says the suicidal man.
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.
A kid just finished writing his paper for class
He typed the title “1000 Ways To Cure An Itch” to finish it off. Right as he was about to hit save the screen went black. Surprised, he did all he could to get the computer back on so he could save his work. After a few minutes the boy’s dad walks in and says “The power went out.”
A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer.
Three girls, a blonde, a redhead and a brunette have been stranded on a desert island for 2 months.
Out of nowhere, the blonde finds a genie lamp so she calls the two other girls and summons the genie. The genie looks at the three girls and explains that he can only grant 3 total wishes so one for each girl.
A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch.
However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later
He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*
A wife asks her husband, “If I died, do you think you would remarry?”
The husband replies, “Remarry? No way! I’d be too devastated by your death, I could never replace you.”
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