A chauffeur goes to pick up the Pope.
Upon arrival, the Pope tells the chauffeur that he never gets to drive anymore and pleads with him to let him behind the wheel for a little while. Being a good catholic boy, he accepts the Pope’s request and takes a seat in the back of the car.
Three thieves were in a house when suddenly they heard someone came through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside.
When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound similar to grains being moved. The owner moves to the second and kicks it, this one makes the sound of walnuts being banged together. The owner, almost relaxed now, kicks the third sack, which doesn’t make any sound. A bit surprised he kicks it again and again and again harder each time, till finally the angry thieve inside yells out:
A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.
At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, “What is this?”
The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.
So the Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
Alfred had finally made it to the last round of the USD 10,000,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.
The big night had arrived. Alfred made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.
A man named Stanley died in a fire accident and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body.
So they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Jim and Allen. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp. Jim arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Jim said,
Two old friends meet at the supermarket and one says:
“Hey, man! How have you been?”
A man’s wife sends him out to get some cigarettes
So he walks down to the nearby store only to find that it’s closed. He goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. While at the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers together, and then one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car…
The one blonde says to the other, “What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?”
An 84 years old man to his doctor: My 24 years old wife is pregnant. Your opinion doctor?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story:
One day they were talking and Adam noticed that Brandon has a huge collection of books. Adam asked Brandon if he may borrow a few books.
Brandon replied, “I don’t lend books. If you want to read books, you may come to my house and read it here.”
Three construction workers are sitting on a scaffolding eating lunch.
An electrician, a bricklayer, and a welder are sitting on a high-rise scaffolding on their lunch break. They all open their lunches to find baloney sandwiches. The electrician sighs and says:
My best friend Matt and I were captured by wild Indians.
We pleaded and begged them to let us go.
A couple who had two beautiful daughters decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant and was happy to deliver a baby boy.
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