Two long time friends decide it’s finally time to go on that hike through the alps they’ve always wanted to
One week into the trek, the first guy starts complaining about his feet, “they’re just so cold!” He says. His buddy tells him that when his feet are cold he just makes sure that he rubs them bare feet by the fire every night before putting his socks on and going to bed. His friend thanks him, promising he’ll give it a shot and they keep going with their hike.
One day St. Peter had the day off and St. Patrick was left in charge of the pearly gates of Heaven.
After a short while an Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman are stopped at the gates by St. Patrick, who says,
I am so sorry Harry.
I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:
– Oh, stop crying, baby. That’s just one beer…
Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”
A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.” The small guy faints.
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place…
The first guy, “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”
A 90 years old man is at the doctor and says, “I fart a lot but fortunately, the farts are silent and don’t smell. I have farted 10 times while talking to you and you didn’t notice!”
The doctor replies, “Take these pills and come back next week.”
A worker at the Zippo factory is showing their boss how the new machine works.
Suddenly, the lights go out. Wanting to finish the demonstration quickly, they try to continue with only the emergency lighting.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop, an elderly priest and a beautiful woman get on and sit across from the three.
Three sophisticated southern women sit together at a country club, Eliza, Josephine, and Isabelle.
Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary. A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.”
A little boy is being called bastard and bitch by bullies at his school.
The boy goes home and asks, “Dad, what are bastards and bitches?” And his dad replies, “Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen.”
A woman packed her husband’s bags and kicked him out of the house…
As he walked out the front door, she screamed,
Scientists were finally able to invent a robot that could answer any question.
Paul decided to test the robot as his friends told him about it and he believed that such a robot could not possibly be created.
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