The Mother
Adam, do you think I’m a bad mother?
My name is Sam.
Little Matthew, while at a neighbor’s, was given a piece of bread and butter, and politely said, “Thank you.”
“That’s right, Matthew,” said the woman. “I like to hear little boys say ‘thank you’.”
A boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father, “Really, what?”
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had so many problems!
What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?
A beginner.
A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.”
A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise, I would have died without it.”
My friend thinks he is smart.
He told me that an onion is the only food that makes people cry … I threw a coconut at his face.
A farmer’s sister and her husband come to visit him from the city. After unpacking the husband asks the farmer what he is planning to do.
“Wait,” the husband says let me guess, “You are going to jump in your tractor turn on the radio, and cruise around all day.
A man has to leave for a few days and wants to find a temporary home for his parrot.
As he knows the priest also has a parrot, he decides to ask him if he can watch his.
An Indian is calmly having breakfast…
An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him. The Indian ignores the
“Why don’t you give your husband a divorce?”
“What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?”
Father, “Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!”
Son, “That’s why I say she’s no good!”
A policeman walks by a street vendor.
Policeman, “What are you selling?”
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber… He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Bob….’ Bob was stunned. ‘I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’
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