The Wedding Night
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said,
“Here, put these on.”
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Birthday Gift For Her
John was talking to his friend at the bar, and said,
“I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday – she has everything, and besides,… she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stuck.”
Real Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes, but she didn’t want to pay high prices. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,
Way To Disney Land
Two blondes were on their way to Disney land. When they approached the last highway they saw a sign,
“Disney land left”
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A Brunette Who Can’t Stand Blondes
A brunette who can’t stand blondes is walking in the forest when all of a sudden she sees a magic lamp on the ground. Thinking to herself, “It always works in the movies,” and so proceeds to pick up and rub the lamp. A genie immediately emerges from the spout and says,
Anyone Got A Problem
A construction worker walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows,
“All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!” A sudden silence descends. After a moment he asks “Anyone got a problem with that?” The silence lengthens. He then chugs back another beer and growls, “And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!” Once again, the bar is silent. He looks around belligerently and roars, “Anyone got a problem with that?”
Too Much Alcohol
A gentleman had too much alcohol at a party. He was heading home and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line and he couldn’t drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.
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A Colorful Parrot
A black man walks into a bar. He has a very colorful parrot sitting on his shoulder. He walks up to the bartender to get a beer.
The bartender says, “Wow! He’s pretty. Where’d you get him at?”
The Disturbance
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
The Little Boy
The little boy was sent home early from school one day.
His dad seeing him walk into the house was visibly confused and asked the boy why he was sent home.
Old Man
An old man bursts into a priest’s study and says,
“I’ve got to tell you this. I’m 50 years old and for the thirty years I’ve been married I never cheated on my wife. Then this sweet thing moved in next door and since then…..wow!”
Bowling Balls
A little old man boards a bus with a bowling ball in each of his front pockets.
He sits down next to a beautiful young blonde lady, and she can’t help but glance quizzically at the man and his bulging pockets. It’s an uneasy few minutes before the little old man can finally take no more.
Shiny Shoes
A man goes to a bar. He goes to the dance floor with three ladies. He says to them,
“If I guess the color of your underwear you have to dance with me.”
A Blonde In A Restaurant
A blonde walks into a restaurant for the lunch, and while she’s deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up.
The blonde looks up and notices the waitress’s name tag on her shirt.
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The World’s Smartest Man
One night, an airplane was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie.
Suddenly, an oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
During a Pro-Am
During a Pro-Am, Arnold Palmer’s partner asked,
“Well, Arnold, what do you think of my game?”
