A Blond Deputy
The local Sheriff was looking for a new deputy. When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her,
“What is 1 and 1?”
FunnyGuy
Walkman
A blonde goes into the beauty salon with her walkman on her head.
“I need to take that walkman off your head,” says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.
A Can Of Diet Coke
Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet Coke.
One blonde opened the can and poured half of it into her own glass, and a half into her friend’s glass.
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An Amazing Crib
Observing the baby one night the wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib.
Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping baby, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions – disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
Who Designed The Human Body
Three freshman engineering students were sitting together at lunchtime when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.
One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses. Another disagreed and proclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body. The system of levers and pullies is ingenious.
Four Brothers
There were four brothers, Somebody, Nobody, Brain, and Mad.
One day Somebody got angry and killed Nobody, then Brain crying went to the toilet. Mad phoned the police and said, “Somebody killed Nobody”.
Beer Contains
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.
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Investigation Needed
A drunk stumbles out of the bar and phones the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
“They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator,” he cries out.
No Singing In The Bar
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign.
A Drink For Everyone
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender,
“Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.”
A Donkey
This man walks into a bar and sees a donkey.
He askes the bartender, “Why is there a donkey?”
Looking For A Deer
Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for a deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.
One of the hunters stopped opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of running shoes. His buddy looked at him and said,
Two Hindus
Two Hindus meet on the street.
One asks the other: “Hi, how are you?”
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Wrong Again
A woman returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor.
“I did everything wrong again, today,” she said.
On A Desert Island
A man was stranded on a desert island for a long period. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.
Man: “Hi! I’m so happy to see you here.”
