What Time Does The Bar Open
In the morning a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
“It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour, later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
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Whistling Man
A man was sitting in a bar and kept whistling. The bartender asks him,
“Why do not you stop whistling?”
The Electric Chair
Three Californians go down to Mexico one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes, but none of them can remember what they have done.
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Two Irishmen
Two Irishmen were sitting in a bar and having beer. They were watching the brothel across the street and saw that a baptist minister walks into the brothel, one of them said,
“Ah, this is a shame to see a man of the cloth going bad.”
Surgeons
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients operate on. The first surgeon says,
“I like to see accountants on my operating table – everything inside is numbered,”
New American Ambassador
A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat.
They’d spend the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. “The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.”
About Marketing
There were two beggars sitting next to each other on the street in Vatican city, one had a large cross around his neck, the other had the star of David.
It was a sunny day, there were many people walking past the two beggars. Everyone was giving money to the man with the cross around his neck money, while the man with the star of David got nothing.
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
A husband and wife are in bed watching “Who wants to be a millionaire”.
The husband asks for sex. The wife says, “No.”
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A Little Clue
A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her former husband, John Anderson. Saint Peter said,
“We have five million John Anderson. Give us a little clue.” The woman said,
Umbrella Thief
An elderly man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick them up in the evening while back from work.
On the way to work on the bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up, and started walking. The woman started yelling,
A Very Self-Important College Freshman
A very self-important college freshman attending the recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
Bank Robber
A man walks into a bank, gets in line, and on his turn, he pulls out the gun and robs the bank! Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line,
Wife VS Mistress
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said,
Breastfeeding Woman
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, “Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman’s right breast is hanging out.”
On An Airplane
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane and was very excited and tense.
As soon as the blond boarded the plane, a Boeing777, she started jumping in excitement, running from seat to seat and started shouting, “Boeing! Boeing! Boeing! Bo…”
Some Space
There was a man who wanted a rocket to go to space. He told his wife and she said ok.
The next day he went downstairs and the TV was gone. His wife came in the room and said,
