New friends
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
“How did you die?” Jane asks Erica.
She replies, “I froze to death.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says Jane.
“It wasn’t too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling…
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Smart parrot
A lady goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. They say the parrot is 200 dollars, no refunds. The owner warns her the parrot can be badly behaved, but is normally well Behaved.
After some convincing she decides to buy the parrot. She goes home and as soon as they walk in the door the parrot goes “oh man this place is a shithole”…
Adoption
Mom: “Son, I have something important to tell you.”
Son: “What is it Mom?”
Mom: “You were adopted.”
Son: “Wow. That explains a lot…I had a suspicion.”
Mom: “Pack your bags. Your new family gets here in 10 minutes.”
Jokes to your email!
USSR
It’s an old one. An American, a Frenchman and a Russian were having a conversation about the best feeling ever. The American said “The best feeling is when you come home from a long journey in the middle of the winter and find your house warm and welcoming…
Ipower customer support
A*: Good evening/morning
Reena L: Hi A* . My name is Reena, how are you today?
A*: thank you fine how about you
Reena L: I’m great, thank you.
Reena L: How can I help you today?
A*: I was wandering, if I create two mysql db
A*: can I set up replication
A*: from one to other?
Reena L: Is that importing data…
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Irish
– you drink beer from a longneck bottle because your doctor told you to distance yourself from alcohol.
– You swear well
– you think St. Patrick’s Day is THE major holiday of the year.
– you believe God created Ireland and the rest happened by accident.
– You know what hurling is…
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Perfect Match
SUPPORT=FUNNY
Parrot prayers.
A lady comes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. She sees a beautiful one for an unusually low price and asks about it.
“Well, she’s got a foul mouth.” The owner says and then asks the parrot “Come on, Sarah, say something.”
“I’m Sarah and I want to be fucked hard all day and all night.”
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show. …
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Indonesian
– When after every sentence you say … Iyaaahh!
– You too believe traffic lanes, stop signs and one way streets are mere suggestions and that sidewalks were meant to drive on or they wouldn’t have paved them.
– The footprints on the toilet seat are your own
– You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue
– You habitually punch all the buttons as you …
Perfect Match!
Perfectly blends in
Parrot
Lady walks by a pet store with a parrot sitting outside. As she walks by, the parrot says “Hey lady! You are fucking ugly.” The woman is taken aback but decides to just ignore it and go about her day.
The next week, she walking by the same store and the parrot is still out there. As she walks by, the parrot says “Hey lady! You are fucking ugly.” …
French
– You get most of your news from TF1, even if you live in America.
– Offer red wine to a ten-year old, and they would prefer white, thank you.
– Calling somebody by his/her name implies that you know him/her pretty well.
– You feel that your kind of people aren’t being listened to enough …
