A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her cloths, the doctor notices a red ‘U’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to UCLA and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his UCLA sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup…
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can …
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, “I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.”
“Odd,” her companion replied, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”…
An attractive lady from Seattle was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. A local on horseback came along and offered her a ride to the nearest town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was pretty uneventful except that every few minutes the guy would let out a “Whoop”…
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.”
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a lawyer.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petri wine, they retire to their tent for the night.
At about 3 in the morning, Holmes wakes Watson up and asks, “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?”
An old nun, a cute Swedish girl, an American guy, and a Frenchman are all in a train car. The train goes into a dark tunnel and all 4 hear a slap. When they emerge, no one says a word but the Frenchman has a red hand print across his face.
The nun thinks that the Frenchman groped the Swedish girl…
Jones was appointed to the Army Training Center, where he was educating recruits about various government programs, especially life insurance Servicemen (LIS).
Soon his captain noted that Jones has almost a 100% sale rate for LIS…
The most important thing – not body or soul. The most important thing – it’s money.
Well, think about it, who needs you, if you are good, kind and funny bum?
Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”
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