A cranky woman, frustrated because her husband was once again late coming home, decided to leave a note that said, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.”
Curious about his reaction, she hid under the bed to observe.
Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.
“Well,” says the boss, “if I hire you guys, you have to promise not to eat any of our staff.”
The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.
Everything goes well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.
A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs facing away from each other and ties them to the chairs. The burglar slowly and methodically begins stealing from the house.
A girl was a prostitute, but she didn’t want her grandma to know.
One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and the girl was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, the girl’s grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.
A guy walked into a bar with a monkey.
The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.
Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.
To everyone’s amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.
Age 2: to be able to walk
Age 10: to have friends
Age 16: to have a drivers license
Age 20: to be having sex
Teens: Someone who can drive
Twenties: Someone who has money
Thirties: Someone with ambition and connections
Forties: Someone who’s been through the wars, gets it
Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.
The Doctor said, ‘Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
A man is in court. The Judges says,”on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?”
“Guilty”, said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted “You dirty rat!” The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door
“Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
When google helps you to find sugar daddy
A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs.
Cashier: “You must be single”
The man: “Wow how did you know that?”
Cashier: “Because you’re fucking ugly”
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
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