Best User submited stories on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.
An elderly man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick them up in the evening while back from work.
On the way to work on the bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up, and started walking. The woman started yelling,
A very self-important college freshman attending the recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
My friend thinks he is smart.
He told me that an onion is the only food that makes people cry … I threw a coconut at his face.
“Why don’t you give your husband a divorce?”
“What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?”
Father, “Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!”
Son, “That’s why I say she’s no good!”
Two women are talking to each other. One asks, “Why don’t you give your husband a divorce?”
“What?! I have lived with him for eleven years and now I should make him happy?”
Son: Daddy, what’s it like to have the most awesome son in the world?
Father: I don’t know, ask your grandfather.
I asked my wife why she married me.
She said, “Because you’re really funny!”
Yesterday my boss gave me the timetable.
I’ve checked it and told my boss that she made a mistake in the timetable because there is no 29th of February this year.
Today my husband and I decided to split up the house works.
So it was his turn to wash the dishes.
The other day, 2 guys came up to me on the street. One of them said,
“Give me your mobile phone, quickly.”
Interview for an Australian visa for the first time mostly be like:
Interviewer: Do you have a criminal record?
She: So what do you do?
He: I’m working on eliminating all cancers.
An old couple has their friends over for dinner one evening…
After the meal, men retire to the living room while the women remain at the table.
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