Совет
– Слушай, у меня к тебе, как к студенту, живущему уже четвёртый год в общаге, есть вопрос.
– Закипит – кидай, всплывут – вынимай.
– Спасибо.
Christmass Knock Knock!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Pudding
Pudding who?
Pudding in your face!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Snow
Snow who?…
Дорогой Дедушка Мороз!
Дрогой Дедушка Мороз…Я был хорошим весь год…Хм..Ну почти весь год…Хм..Ну иногда..Хм..Ой да и ладно! Куплю всё сам!
Santa Q&A
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low …
Jokes to your email!
Открытие века!
Сегодня утром грузчик Петров совершил открытие века. А через минуту он открыл второе веко…
Harvard
There was a young country boy who was very bright. In fact he was bright enough to be accepted to Harvard.
One of his first assignments at Harvard was to write a paper on a famous person. He didn’t know who he would write about so he decided to go to the library and do some research….
Гололёд
Обожаю гололёд… 4 шпагата, 2 сальто,5 ласточек – и я на работе!
Smarty
An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari….
SUPPORT=FUNNY
Колыбельная
Бабушка на ночь поёт колыбельные для внучека.
Час поёт, два поёт, три, четыре…Устала. Решила отдохнуть. Тут внучек открывает глаза и спрашивает:
– Бабушка, можно я теперь посплю?
Hikers
During hikers meetup the speaker told everyone to drink lots of water during hike, and symptoms of dehydration are headache and grumpiness.
In this note one of the hikers yells
– Oh my good, my wife was dehydrated for last 27 years.
Забыл..
Поздним вечером матрос подходит к капитану:
– Простите, сэр, я только что вспомнил то,что хотел сказать вам утром…
– Ничего страшного, говори сейчас
– Человек за бортом!
Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.
“Well, I have good news and bad news,” the owner responded. “The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work…
Бифштекс
Официант – посетителю:
– Как вы находите наш бифштекс?
– С трудом. Когда отодвигаю все овощи!
Wrong Turn
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole…
Лайк.
В Древнем Риме гладиатора мог спасти только “Мне нравится” от Цезаря.
Woman
Jim was speeding along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Eric?” Jim asked. “Well didn’t you know, Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?”…
