Nice Guy in The Bar
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedro
Древности
Встречаются на Литейном в Питере две 70-летние пенсионерки:
– Везет тебе! В одном классе учились, а выглядишь лет на десять моложе!
– Так в Эрмитаже работаю! Там поддерживают идеальный микроклимат для сохранения древностей…
Criminals
A trio of burglars broke into a pharmacy and stole its entire supply of Viagra and Cialis.
….
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Searching for missing wife
A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
Run Run Ruuunnnn
I told you run
Но, они врут!
-Александр, а что это у вас?
-Это часы, которые показывают, что сейчас происходит!
-Ну и что же они показывают?…
Flowers
A new husband arrived home with a big bouquet of flowers. His bride met him at the door, saw the flowers and dropped to the floor…
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Wishes
So a bus full of ugly people are driving along a cliffside, when suddenly a landslide knocks them off and they crash into the ocean. Everyone dies.
When they get up to heaven to meet their maker, he says, “Since you have suffered in your lives, I will grant you each one wish before you enter heaven.”…
Как завести машину.
-Милиция задержала того типа, что угнал мою машину. Надо навестить его в тюрьме.
-Зачем это тебе нужно?
-Как зачем?! Хотя бы узнать у него, как ему удалось ее завести!
Parades
What’s the difference between a gay pride parade and a bisexual pride parade?
Sheep
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?”…
Вредитель
Незваный помощник – лучший вредитель.
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Baptists jokes
How do you keep a Baptist from drinking at your party/bar?
Invite two of them.
Jews don’t recognize Jesus, Protestants don’t recognize the Pope, and Baptists don’t recognize each other in the liquor store…
