A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in different burning buildings.
The physicist calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me and let me know when I hit the wall.
I heard a bang.
“4:32 PM Dad”, he said.
Two beggars are begging in different areas of London …
One begs just as long as the second, but only collects two or three pounds a day.
A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption.
One of them to a family in Greece and the other to a family in Spain. The first one was named Alexander and the second one Matías.
One day, On the way to an important science conference Einstein, tells his driver that looks a bit like him and says,
“I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
During the biology lesson, the teacher asks, “Tell me, children, what does the chicken give you?”
A student rose his hand and said, “It gives us meat!”
A British was sitting next to an Irishman on a flight from Paris to the London.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
This man was sitting next to a little boy on the plane. Suddenly he turned to the boy and said,
“I’ve heard that flights are going quicker if you talk with a passenger.”
An archaeologist in Egypt was walking in the town square one morning.
He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his watch.
He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.
The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel’s testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop.
A woman was making breakfast for her husband when suddenly, he burst into the kitchen.
“Carefully,” he said, “Be careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You’re cooking too many at once. Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. They’ll stick! Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the Salt!”
A man was watching a football championship when somebody knocked on the door,
“Who is there?”
One day a little boy was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to talk to him.
“Hello my boy, what are you doing there?” he asked.
A little boy was playing in the yard and suddenly killed a honeybee.
His father saw him killing the honeybee and said,
“Not any honey for one week!”
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