A blond boarded a plane to Chicago. She was seated in the general passenger section. Once the airplane was in the air, she got up and went into first class and took a seat. The stewardess told her that unless she produced a first class ticket she had to return to the other section. The blonde refused and said I am going to Chicago and I am staying here…
A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.
Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home.
“You kicked in the door when you couldn’t get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants.”
There were these two Russian immigrants, and they got into a car, and they bought a car, and they got into a car accident and one said to the other: “Haha, Ti loh!” (lol you are a loh).
hahahahahhahaha
I said to my friend: “I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad…”
My friend said “Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?”
I said “no, he also wished he was…”
– You can’t go more that five days without rice.
– You don’t have matching bedding.
– You don’t have matching dishes.
– You don’t have matching hangers in your closet.
– At least one person in your family owns or knows how to use a sewing machine.
– You never really bought a calendar in your life; you always got the free ones…
– Доктор, какой самый эффективный способ похудения?
– Не есть натощак…
Что будет ,если поднести к глазу включенный пылесос?
-Вы узнаете устройство пылесоса изнутри.
In 2020, it has been confirmed that the Earth is neither flat nor round.
It’s fucked.
Alright so this guy is in a bar and he sees a reasonably pretty girl. He says, “If I were to give you a million dollars right now, would you have sex with me?”
She thinks about it for a moment, then
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