1 сентября, 1 класс
Учительница говорит:
— Дети, вы пришли в школу. Здесь нужно сидеть тихо,
а если что-то хотите спросить — нужно поднять руку.
Вовочка тянет руку…
— Ты что-то хочешь спросить, Вовочка?
— Нет, просто проверяю, как работает система.
Операционная. Врач кричит:
– Мы его теряем!!! У него появился пульс, он возвращается.
For anyone attending Stan Lee’s funeral…
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.
Two guys are driving from Kansas to Maine and they drive by a sign for Worcester, MA. They both look at eachother and say, ‘how the hell do you pronounce that?” The driver says “War-chester”, the pas
The difference between a redhead and a blonde: A redhead is a blonde from hell.
The difference between a blonde…
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:”Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” …
The survey was a huge failure…
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.
“Yes,” he said. “My father taught me.”
“Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answered the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven.
Which fish dresses the best?…The Swordfish – It always looks sharp
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?…Monkfish
What kind of fish will help you hear better?…A herring aid
What do romantic fish sing to each other?…Salmon-chanted evening
What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse?…The Codfather
Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long?…If it were 12 inc
– (For females) You’re parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
– (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm
– You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go
– When you were little you always wondered why your American friends…
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