A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.
The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck…
After a few weeks of trying, my wife just told me she’s pregnant.
She has the worst stutter ever.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door to their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door opened,but they couldn’t. The girl with the coat hanger stopped to catch her breath,and her friend said anxiously,”Hurry up! Its starting to rain and the top’s down!
The different types of people:
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel….
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
An old man was asked “What’s your secret that, even after 60 years of marriage, you still manage to call your wife my love, honey, sweetheart?”
He said “Well, I’ve forgotten her name long ago and I’m embarrassed to ask”
Aladdin: Get me a fur coat.
Genie: What fur?
Aladdin: Fur to keep me warm, that’s what fur!
As a child, the wicked magician always wanted to saw people in half.
Was he an only child?
No, he had lots of half-brothers and sisters!
Do you know what’s inside Aladdin’s lamp?
It would take a genie-us to find out!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aladdin.
Aladdin who?
A lad in the street who
– You know how baseball, basketball, and American football are played. If you’re male, you can argue intricate points about their rules.
– You learned to memorize the fifty states with a song.
– You count yourself fortunate if you get three weeks of vacation a year.
– You think that Beethoven is a cute St. Bernard dog
– You drive around looking for the closest parking…
– Дорогой, ответь мне, но только честно-“да” или “нет”, хорошо?
– Конечно! Спрашивай
– Почему мужчины смеются над нами, блондинками?
– Да.
Вовочка приходит к Манечке и говорит:
– Мань, можно использовать тебя как женщину?
– Какие-то у тебя мысли пошлые!
– Это, Мань у тебя мысли пошлые,а у меня мячик в женский туалет закатился!
1.Педиатр осмотрел новорожденного и после легкого шлепка по ягодицам он вздохнул и закричал;
2.Kожа была сухой и влажной;
3.Обследование прямой кишки показало нормальный размер щитовидной железы;
4.У пациента на завтрак были пирожные, а на обед – анорексия;
5.Пациент был вполне здоров, пока самолет не упал и не разбился;
6.Кровотечение началось в зоне ануса и продолжалось в приемном покое;
7.Оба соска нормально реагировали на свет; …
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