A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”…
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, “Honey…
A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up
So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day.
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Walks into a bar.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.
A man was teaching his wife golf…
The wife struck the golf ball so hard that it went to the neighbours house and they heard a crash like it broke something.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.
Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
A man goes into a confession on his way home from the golf course
Forgive me, Father, I have sinned.
Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
Satan decides to let each of them call their own countries but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K…
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad, one by one.
While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape.
An undercover cop called at my farm in the sticks yesterday evening…
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said
“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.
That cop exploded saying “Do you know who the fuck I am ?! I have the authority of the government with me”…
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
“Thank you, honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?”
He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!”
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”
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