A Mom Takes Her Daughter to a Doctor
A mom takes her daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”
Boss's New Lamborghini
An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.
The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss “Wow that’s an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!”
An Englishman and an Irishman
An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery.
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
So the Pope Arrives at Heavens Gates
So the Pope arrives at heavens gates.
St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.
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On a Trip to America
An Asian man goes on a trip to America
He goes to an American Bank to converts his money to dollars, while going through his trip he meets a generous old friend who decides to let him stay in his place and also pay for his expenses during his stay.
At an Asylum
A Doctor is Visiting a Patient at an Asylum
Doctor: What is this?
In a Library
A depressed man walks into a library
Depressed man: do you have any books on suicide?
Twins
When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his, that I didn't know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner, waiting for time to pass by. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flies. Look at me now… I didn't enjoy it." He then passed his hand over my head and left.
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Blonde Joke
A blonde was speeding in a school zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde’s driver’s license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, “What does a driver’s license look like?” Irritated, the blonde cop said…
Farmers Wife
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
A Blonde and a Lawyer are on a Plane
A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane
And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.
A Terrorist on a Suicide Mission
So while the other terrorists were wrapping him with all kinds of bombs they looked him in the eye and told him: you're going on a suicide mission so don't fail us. The terrorist replied: I'm prepared to die!! And so they sent him to the city and he goes to a school and he calls the base: should I do it here!! And they replied: no it's not crowded enough, go somewhere else. And so he goes to a mall and again contacts the base: should I do it here!! And they replied: no it's no crowded enough either go somewhere else. And so he goes to a stadium on a matchday and he contacts the base again and says: should I do it here!!! And they replied: yes!!! It's crowded enough!!! do it!!! He pulls out a dagger and stabs himself
Dad on His Death Bed
Dad on his death bed: Son, I have to tell you something
Son under his breath: I bet I’m adopted
Perfect Frank
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
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Genie
Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes
Me: I wish for a world without lawyers
Genie: Done, you have no more wishes
