The Secret of Long Life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice, ripe old age.”
The CEO
A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.
“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said.
Jokes to your email!
In a Mental Hospital
Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said…
The 7 Dwarfs Go to the Vatican
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
World’s Funniest Cats
Funny cats all around web
Father To Be
Four husbands are outside a maternity ward, waiting for the nurse to tell them about the babies their wives gave birth to.
The nurse walks up to the first man and says: “Congratulations your wife gave birth to twins!” The man says: “What a coincidence because I work at a restaurant called 2 cities.”
So This City Blonde Goes to a Barn.
So this city blonde goes to a barn.
She asks the farmer: “Excuse me, why does that cow have no horns?”.
SUPPORT=FUNNY
I Had No Idea
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner. The girl tells her boyfriend that she would like to “do it” for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic but he has never done it before so he goes to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for over an hour and tells the boy everything there is to know about protection.
We are more than friends now
One day at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skin-tight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach the step.
Bargaining
A mom tells her son to buy some vegetables
She says to bargain, and try to offer the seller half the price
Son: Sir, how much does a bag of vegetable cost?
During an Interview
Interviewer: “I heard you were extremely quick at math”
Interviewer: “I heard you were extremely quick at math”
Me: “yes, as a matter of fact, I am”
They Went for a Swim
An orthodox priest, a catholic priest, and a rabbi go for a swim.
It was a hot day and the three desperately needed to cool off. They went to the lake just outside the village, made sure no one else was around and decided to skinny dip.
Lettuce Jokes
Knock, Knock Who’s there? Lettuce Lettuce Who? Lettuce in and you’ll find out!
HTML & HTML+CSS
HTML & HTML+CSS
My Aunt’s Three Daughters
One day her three daughters run-up to her mom and one of them yells “mom!!! Why am I named rose?” “Well, sweetie, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head” The second daughter. “Mommy!!!!!!!!! Why am I named violet?” “Because when you were born a violet somehow fell on your head” The third child. “Djfiiiggf fiichd ajjguie fuuhsb?” “Oh shut up brick”
