3 Kids are arguing about who’s dad is the fastest…
At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a bricklayer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits…
A new preacher wanted to rent a house in the country but the only one available was rumored to be haunted. That didn’t bother the preacher since he didn’t believe in such things. He went ahead and rented the place.
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, “You bastard!” The judge says, “You’re also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer.” The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, “You bastard!”…
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down.
He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.” The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.” The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.” The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.”
A man works up courage to ask his wife how many sexual partners she had before him
She says “really?” and goes silent. Doesn’t say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, the husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks – “Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that stupid question?”
Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor.
They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.
“Where have you been all this time, child? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t you call? Can you not understand what you put yer old Mother through?”
The girl, crying, replied, “Dad… I became a prostitute.”
I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.
For the first couple of weeks, I didn’t earn much money.
An atheist is walking along the bank of Loch Ness, suddenly, out of the depths appears Nessie.
She snatched the atheist up in her jaws and threw her head back, throwing thim up in the air. Just before the atheist fell into Nessie’s jaws he cries out
Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me.
One day Bill is on a walk when he sees his new neighbor, John.
He greets him and they start getting to know each other.
The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him. The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Fanny jokes and images directly to your inbox.
Daily Jokes to your inbox!
