An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom…
Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.
There is a man who goes to a spanish restaurant after a big bullfight. He sits down and looks at the menu. The waiter then comes over and asks what he will have. The man once again looks down at the menu and spots “meatballs de toro”…
A gorgeous young redhead went into the doctor’s office.
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
Two statues, one female and the other male, had faced each other in a city park for decades. One day an angel appeared and said…
… “you’ve been such fantastic statues for such a long time, that I have a special gift for you. I am going to bring you to life for 30 minutes and you can do whatever you wish”. With a clap of his hands the statues came alive.
St Peter at the gate greets them and says ‘Alright. We’ve just built some new roads up here and we need to get you each a car. Depending on how faithful you were to your wives will determine the quality of the car. Sound good?’ 1st Guy: ‘I was happily married thirty years with my wife and never cheated on her once. She passed a few years ago but I still remained faithful’ St Peter: ‘That’s wonderful. Here’s a brand new Rolls Royce. Top of the line’ 2nd Guy…
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, “Do you know her?”
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time, and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25…
“You kids today,” says a college student’s grandpa. “All you do is stay in the house all day and play video games. When I was your age, my buddies and I went to Paris and went to the Moulin Rouge. We fucked some of the dancers right on stage, went behind the bar, robbed the register, and stayed there drinking all night!”
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were “protecting.”
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf and dumb person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Dave has died and is waiting in the queue to get into heaven.
As he draws ever closer to St Peter he can hear him asking people the same question.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.” …
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