There once lived three brothers with unusual names. Their names were Shut Up, Poop and Manners.
One day they were having a car ride when poop fell out of the car and got run over by the car. Shut Up immediately went to call a paramedic for help while Manners tried to get Poop up off the road.
Once a man knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door.
Without a word, the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag, and threw on the carpet.
Two Aliens come to our Planet
They are greeted by armed forces. They inform us that our inferior weapons don’t stand a chance against them. The only way they will let us go is if we can make them laugh. However, they have seen all jokes there are on the internet and only a new original joke will work on them. Humanity gathers the greatest comedians and scientists to come up with an original joke but everyone’s opinion on what is a good joke turns out to be at conflict. Furious, one scientist proclaims that we have to know which of our earlier jokes the Aliens at least found funny. All the comedians and scientists agree on this. So a scientist goes to talk with the Aliens and ask them which of our old jokes they laughed at the most. The Aliens respond.
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
A truck driver was transporting 100 penguins from Melbourne to Perth when he breaks down in the middle of the desert…
A mechanic takes a look and tells the truckie that the repair will take at least two days. He knows that the penguins won’t survive in the heat for that long so he flags down a passing truck and offers the driver $5000 to take the penguins to the Perth zoo for him.
The only cow in a small town in the USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.
A journalist decides he wants to write a book about shepherds. So, he decides to travel the world to interview different shepherds.
His first stop is somewhere in the plains of Asia and he finds a lonely sheepherder, tending his flock.
A young boy living on a farm came down to eat breakfast.
His mother told him he had to do his chores before he could eat. He got mad but went out to do his chores when a chicken ran across in front of him so being still mad he kicked it. Momma was watching.
A man is sitting alone in a bar staring at a drink. In walks a surly, tatted-up biker. He sees the man sitting alone, walk over, picks up the man’s drink, and downs it in one go. He then looks at the man and says, “What are ya gonna do about it, huh?”
I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.
Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow.
The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with nowhere to run.
Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking “woof, woof!”.
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.
She was asked to give a little speech she spoke as follows:
A blonde sees a guy walking down the street with a package labeled “The Dildo Store”
“What’s in the bag?” asks the blonde.
An old Jewish man is lying on his deathbed with his wife Becky by his side.
He looks to Becky and says: “Many years ago Becky we were in Germany when the war began. Becky, you were by my side.
An American spy comes into a Soviet bar
And orders a drink.
A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.
“Ow! Why did you do that?” asks he Chinese man.
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