An atheist dies and goes to hell
The devil welcomes him and says: “Let me show you around a little bit.” They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. “This is your house now, here are your keys.” The man is happy and thanks to the devil. The devil says: “No need to say thank you, everyone gets a nice place to live in when they come down here!”
A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening… suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him
and whispers zombifyingly, “Take all the money in your purse, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!”
This wealthy couple is employing a housemaid. She decides to ask for a raise.
She goes to the lady and asks: “Ma’am, I’d like a raise.”
An American soldier, serving in World War II had just returned from several weeks of battle on the German front lines.
The soldier had been granted rest and relaxation and was on a train that was bound for London.
A married man went to church to confess
“Father, forgive me for I have almost had sex with another woman,” he said
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn’t have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed “Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some Christian feelings”.
A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The lion, king of the jungle, was very bored.
The lion, king of the jungle, was very bored. He gathered all the animals of his kingdom and said:
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before”.
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly “mmm… that was some good lion meat!”.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course child. What may I do for you?”
A horse and a pig are best friends.
One day the horse got so sick that he couldn’t stand up anymore. The farmer called the vet who said: “If this horse doesn’t stand up in three days, you may put him down”.
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. ‘Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant.
This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.’
Some people are flying on a plane and the captain makes an announcement
“We are going to, unfortunately, run out of fuel in a little bit. We need some volunteers to jump off the plane so we can maybe hope to make it to an airport.”
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three adult sons…
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field.
A man and a Dog, and the extremely unusual funeral…
A man and his wife are walking down the town main street. They are arguing, as they always do, about the efficiency of wearing masks during the pandemic.
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