Catholic Women’s’ Sons

Four catholic ladies are talking about how important their sons are.

The first one tells her friends “my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.'”

An Elevator

A fifteen years old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

Two Priests

Two Priests decided to go to Goa on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests……

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

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3 Spies Are Captured One Day

A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day.

The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

Do I Look Like…?

A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house.

She asks her husband, “Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? “, the husband says “Do I look like a plumber?”

An 18 Years Old Girl…

An 18 years old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, “Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!”

Terrible Headaches…

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. The guy was shocked, but he didn’t want to continue the torture, so he agreed.

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We’ll Learn About Each Other

A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

The Octopus

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I bet $100 that no one here has a musical instrument that my octopus can’t play.”
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old lute.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing Toss a Coin To Your Witcher. The octopus’s owner pockets the $100.

The Devil Is Surprised

The devil is rather bored. It’s been a while since he’s been up to some mischief…

So he picks a small countryside church to terrorize. He rolls in through the open door on a cloud of brimstone and dark lightning. The entire congregation scatters, save for the Pastor and an elderly farmer sitting in one corner chewing on a piece of straw. He is piqued and wanders over to the farmer.

Talking Dog For Sale

A guy is driving around the backwoods and he sees a sign in front of a broken-down, shanty-style house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

A Romantic Text

One day a woman decides to send a romantic message to her husband.

So she wrote, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, sent me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

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The Welder

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender says “wow, you don’t see that every day! Man, what’s your story?”

The duck says “I’m a welder at the construction site across the street. I’ll be here for a few months while we finish the building,” and picks up his newspaper and starts reading. The bartender…

Hazelnuts

So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder

I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me: