A kid just finished writing his paper for class
He typed the title “1000 Ways To Cure An Itch” to finish it off. Right as he was about to hit save the screen went black. Surprised, he did all he could to get the computer back on so he could save his work. After a few minutes the boy’s dad walks in and says “The power went out.”
A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer.
Three girls, a blonde, a redhead and a brunette have been stranded on a desert island for 2 months.
Out of nowhere, the blonde finds a genie lamp so she calls the two other girls and summons the genie. The genie looks at the three girls and explains that he can only grant 3 total wishes so one for each girl.
A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch.
However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later
He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*
A wife asks her husband, “If I died, do you think you would remarry?”
The husband replies, “Remarry? No way! I’d be too devastated by your death, I could never replace you.”
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He asks the barber, “do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age”.
A French Man was Teaching his English Girlfriend to Swim
After the third lesson, the man said to his girlfriend, “Ok, you’ve now learnt enough. I’ll let you swim on your own”
Two virgins get married and go on their honeymoon.
Unfortunately, neither of them knows what to do so they call the groom’s mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit together on the bed, kiss and snuggle, and things should happen from there.
A couple goes to a sex therapist.
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.
So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”
One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”
His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $20.00.”
In class, a teacher asked her students what was something good that they did today.
The first kid says “I gave money to a homeless man”
Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.
There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method of getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of the room, he instead will be trapped inside forever.
Fanny jokes and images directly to your inbox.
Daily Jokes to your inbox!
