Bush, Trump, and Hillary are all on a plane during the pandemic…
Bush says, “I could throw this $100 mask out the window and make someone happy”. Trump, with a smug look on his face replies, “I could throw ten $10 masks out the window and make 10 people happy”. Hillary smirks and says, “Oh yeah, I could throw one hundred $1 masks out the window and make 100 people happy”.
The medics rushed Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack.
The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues.
A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men…
The army general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!”
A man walks into a bar.
He asks the bartender for a Jack and coke. The bartender says “I’ve got you” and hands him an apple.
“You’ve got to be joking,” said the man
A college engineering student shows up with a new bike.
“Woah where did you get such a nice bike?” his fellow engineering student asked.
Little John and his mother were attending church.
Suddenly in the middle of mass, John clenched his tummy and looks distressed
A battle between an American, a Brit, and a Filipino.
It’s a competition of who has the most number of children.
It’s the Olympics and a lot of audiences gathered in a dome.
A guy was admitted to the hospital and he fell in love with the nurse.
She used to take care of him and very nice to him. Always checking up on him and giving him extra attention compared to other patients. Therefore, the guy thought that the nurse was into him as well.
A group of teens, all 16, are hanging out together.
As they conversate, one girl admits she’s been having terrible menstrual cramps all day long and it’s extremely tender to even so much as poke her stomach.
The husband saw an action: “24-pack of beer for 20 €!”, He quickly grabbed it and dropped it into the shopping cart. The wife saw him and asked:
“What are you doing?” He replies:
Bill and Bob both really love baseball.
The two guys made a deal that whoever died first would have to come down from above and tell the other guy if there was baseball in heaven.
When Bill died, he came down to tell Bob.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives. Henry started by saying,
“I think my wife is fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she is cheatin’ on me with a carpenter!” Tom answered,
A man is suicidal and is about to jump off a building
“Don’t do it!” shouts another man from behind him. “God loves you and has given you life for a purpose.”
“Really?” says the suicidal man.
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.
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