Queen Elizabeth And Indira Gandhi
Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth.
Both of them were riding in the Queen’s horse-driven carriage when one of the horses farted.
Girls Night Out
2 middle-aged women go out on the town for a girls night out
At the end of the night, they both have been drinking so much that they decide to walk home. Halfway home, they both have to piss pretty badly. Nothing is open at 3 AM, so they duck into a graveyard they’re passing by to squat behind a couple of tombstones. They both realize that they have nothing to wipe with, so one takes off her panties and uses them…
A Night Plan
Two brothers are in their room at night formulating a plan.
“I think we’re old enough to start cussing,” the older brother says. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going to say ‘hell’ and you’re going to say ‘ass’, ok?” His younger brother agrees to the plan.
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War Veterans
Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride…
He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds, over and over. This really starts to get on Fred’s nerves so he asks him, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
In A Costly Hotel
A 70-year-old woman chose to remain overnight in a costly hotel as a treat for her birthday.
The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was too high.
Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read
Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read.
“Ah”, said the mystic. “One year from now I see great glory in your future.
What’s Your Excuse
A cop pulled over a guy he suspected of driving under the influence.
He told the driver he’d have to take a breathalyzer test.
SUPPORT=FUNNY
Just Chewing A Piece Of Gum
There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result, become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to actively seek employment, so she mostly just stayed at home…
Because Of Tattoo
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room, they absolutely refused to give me an epidural…
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room, they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).
Anything You Want
My wife left for work this morning, and almost immediately I got a call from my next-door neighbor telling me to come around quickly as she needed my help.
So, I knock on her door, and she opens the door in a robe and immediately drags me into the living room. She then drops the robe to reveal she is completely naked. As my mouth hangs open she says: “Everything you can see between my legs is yours”
Vibrator Life
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
What are you doing?” she exclaimed.
In Optometrist’s Office.
A patient walks into an optometrist’s office.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there’s any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
Ocean Full Of Beer
Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three.
Bigger In Texas
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is big in Texas,” says the bellhop.
Old Habits Are Hard To Break
A woman gynecologist decides she wants to become a mechanic. She enrolls in a technical college and becomes an A student.
Before she can graduate she must pass the final exam, which is dismantling a car engine & rebuilding correctly. When she receives the results of her exam she sees the instructor gave her 150 points. Fearing there must be some error she goes to ask her instructor.
SUPPORT=FUNNY
A Nurse Dies…
A nurse dies and mistakenly goes to hell. St. Peter, realizing he fucked up, knocks on hell’s gate …
“Nurses belong in heaven, you know that she must come with me,” St. Peter exclaims.
