The Worst Dad Joke
Today, my daughter asked “Can I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears.
12 years old and she still doesn’t know my name is Dave.
A Nun Walks Into A Bar
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while, the lights would go out. Each time this happened, the place would erupt into cheers.
A nun walked into the bar. And, when the patrons saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
The Witty Employee
Yesterday my employer came running to me and heavily said, “I was looking for you all day! Where the hell have you been? I looked through all the office.”
I replied, “Good employees are hard to find.”
Jokes to your email!
A Blonde Takes Her Car To Her Mechanic
A blonde takes her car to her mechanic and tells him it’s running rough. After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
“What’s the story?” she asked.
A Guy Goes To A Psychiatrist
The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him.
“What’s this?” asks the psychiatrist.
Two Line Joke About Functional Programming
Q: Why did the functional programmer get thrown out of school?
A: Because he refused to take classes.
A Peaceful Relationship
They asked him, “Why your relationship with your wife is always peaceful and no fight ever?”
He replied, “That is because we agreed since the beginning that she takes decisions in small issues leaving me the big ones. For example, she takes decisions in what house or car to buy, what school we choose for our kids, what destinations to travel to, the suitable husbands for our daughters…
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A Young Woman And The Fortuneteller
A young woman goes to a fortuneteller. The fortuneteller tells her that she will be broke and unhappy until she turns forty.
“What happens when I turn forty?” the young woman asks, staring down at the cards.
Two Liner Joke About Functional Programming
Why did the functional programmer get thrown out of school?
Because he refused to take classes.
A Two Liner
“Hey honey, am I the only one you’ve been with?
The wife replied, “Yes, the others were at least fives or nines.”
Two Line Joke About A Couple
Yesterday my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.
A Man Walks Into A Bar And Orders
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey. Then one more and so on. The bartender asks,
“Why are you drinking so much?”
Funny Two Liner Joke About A Programmer
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.
Try Deleting…
Try Deleting…
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Funny Two Liner Joke
My granddad used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man. Terrible cabinet maker.
