New Machine Demonstration
A worker at the Zippo factory is showing their boss how the new machine works.
Suddenly, the lights go out. Wanting to finish the demonstration quickly, they try to continue with only the emergency lighting.
Let’s Make Sure
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
Englishman A Scotsman And An Irishman
Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop, an elderly priest and a beautiful woman get on and sit across from the three.
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An Etiquette Lesson
Three sophisticated southern women sit together at a country club, Eliza, Josephine, and Isabelle.
Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary. A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.”
A Little Boy
A little boy is being called bastard and bitch by bullies at his school.
The boy goes home and asks, “Dad, what are bastards and bitches?” And his dad replies, “Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen.”
She Kicked Him Out
A woman packed her husband’s bags and kicked him out of the house…
As he walked out the front door, she screamed,
The Robot That Knows Everything
Scientists were finally able to invent a robot that could answer any question.
Paul decided to test the robot as his friends told him about it and he believed that such a robot could not possibly be created.
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A Chauffeur Goes To Pick Up The Pope
A chauffeur goes to pick up the Pope.
Upon arrival, the Pope tells the chauffeur that he never gets to drive anymore and pleads with him to let him behind the wheel for a little while. Being a good catholic boy, he accepts the Pope’s request and takes a seat in the back of the car.
Three Thieves Were In A House.
Three thieves were in a house when suddenly they heard someone came through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside.
When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound similar to grains being moved. The owner moves to the second and kicks it, this one makes the sound of walnuts being banged together. The owner, almost relaxed now, kicks the third sack, which doesn’t make any sound. A bit surprised he kicks it again and again and again harder each time, till finally the angry thieve inside yells out:
A Russian Jew
A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.
At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, “What is this?”
KGB vs FBI vs CIA
The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.
So the Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
I Bet Him
A librarian was organizing her books when a man in a dark suit walked up.
“Hey, I’m Steven. I’ll pay you $20000 if you show me your nipples tomorrow.”
The USD 10,000,000 Question
Alfred had finally made it to the last round of the USD 10,000,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.
The big night had arrived. Alfred made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.
Stanley
A man named Stanley died in a fire accident and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body.
So they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Jim and Allen. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp. Jim arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Jim said,
Two Old Friends Meet At A Supermarket
Two old friends meet at the supermarket and one says:
“Hey, man! How have you been?”
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A Statue
So this guy’s in bed with a married woman when her husband’s car gets home
She brings the guy, completely naked, into the living room and tells him to stand completely still as she covers him in white powder.
