A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight.
During the flight an attendant asked the cowboy if he would like a drink.
“Sure thing, I’ll have a beer, please.” said the cowboy.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No”, he replies, “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring
The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
A man is lying in bed with his wife when suddenly someone yells from outside: “Look, he’s fucking your wife!”
He quickly turns around in bed only to see her sleeping by his side, and really deep at it. He chooses to ignore it and goes on to sleep. Just as he was taking asleep, the same voice yells again: “Look, he’s really fucking your wife!”
Two long time friends decide it’s finally time to go on that hike through the alps they’ve always wanted to
One week into the trek, the first guy starts complaining about his feet, “they’re just so cold!” He says. His buddy tells him that when his feet are cold he just makes sure that he rubs them bare feet by the fire every night before putting his socks on and going to bed. His friend thanks him, promising he’ll give it a shot and they keep going with their hike.
One day St. Peter had the day off and St. Patrick was left in charge of the pearly gates of Heaven.
After a short while an Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman are stopped at the gates by St. Patrick, who says,
I am so sorry Harry.
I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:
– Oh, stop crying, baby. That’s just one beer…
Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”
A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.” The small guy faints.
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place…
The first guy, “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”
A 90 years old man is at the doctor and says, “I fart a lot but fortunately, the farts are silent and don’t smell. I have farted 10 times while talking to you and you didn’t notice!”
The doctor replies, “Take these pills and come back next week.”
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