A man and a woman had been married for more than 50 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had no secrets from each other except a box that the woman kept at the top of her closet. She had cautioned her husband never to open the box or ask about it.
In my junior years, this guy asked me on a date.
He rented a Redbox movie and made a turkey. We were watching a movie and the oven beeped so the turkey was done. He looked at me dead in the eye and said,
An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets USD 20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says,
“I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife,
3 nuns die and go to Heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they’re quite easy.
My small grandson got lost in the shopping mall…
He approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”
A farmer walks upstairs to his bedroom with a chicken under his arm and stands before his wife.
“This is the pig I’ve been fucking”
The United States was deployed to Afghanistan. While the Marine was there he received a “dear John” letter from his girlfriend.
In the letter she explained she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.
A small boy talking to his mother while his dad sits nearby.
Boy: Mom, I want to marry 3 girls when I grow up.
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