Prayers
Teacher: Now, Jack, tell me, my boy, do you say prayers before eating?
Jack: No ma’am, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.
The Truth
I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report card. I did this every quarter that year. I forgot that they mail home the end-of-year cards, and my mom got it before I could intercept with my fake.
First Date
In my junior years, this guy asked me on a date.
He rented a Redbox movie and made a turkey. We were watching a movie and the oven beeped so the turkey was done. He looked at me dead in the eye and said,
Jokes to your email!
100 Things To Do Before You Die
100 Things To Do Before You Die
The Man Without Fear
The Man Without Fear
The Day Before Christmas Eve
An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
A Job Opening
A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
Blonde Woman From
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets USD 20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says,
“I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”
SUPPORT=FUNNY
Listen Carefully…
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Wedding Anniversary
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife,
At The Pearly Gates
3 nuns die and go to Heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they’re quite easy.
In The Shopping Mall
My small grandson got lost in the shopping mall…
He approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”
The Farmer
A farmer walks upstairs to his bedroom with a chicken under his arm and stands before his wife.
“This is the pig I’ve been fucking”
The Marine
The United States was deployed to Afghanistan. While the Marine was there he received a “dear John” letter from his girlfriend.
In the letter she explained she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.
Bless you son
A small boy talking to his mother while his dad sits nearby.
Boy: Mom, I want to marry 3 girls when I grow up.
That Nurse
I recently visited my grandfather in his old folks home…
We sat down at a table in the cafeteria and started to chat. He said things were going okay but sounded a little frustrated.
