All I Need
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need.
Not all this, “How the fuck did you get in my house?!” and the flying lamp.
They’re Busy
A man calls his old friend and to his surprise, his friend’s young child answers the phone.
“Hey, can you pass the phone to your dad?”
Death Statistics
A man was riding on the bus and reading an article about life and death statistics. Fascinated he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says,
“Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”
The Hungry Man
A man is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass. He stops and asks,
“Hey! Why are you eating grass?”
Jokes to your email!
A Dark Two Line Joke
I had a granny that we couldn’t decide whether to bury or cremate
In the end, we decided to just let her live.
I Tried Too Hard
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Two Friends Are Talking
Two friends are talking.
First says, “My parents raised me as an only child”
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A Bar Joke
A man was drinking in a bar when his old friend came in.
“Hey, man, haven’t seen you for ages. How are you, what’s wrong with you?” asked the friend.
Just A Funny Two Line Joke
This morning I accidentally made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.
I was already halfway to my office when I noticed I forgot my car at home.
Breaking News
Yesterday a Python data scientist get arrested at customs.
She was caught trying to import pandas!
Arguing With A Woman
Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.
In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.
I Went To The Doctor
A few days ago I went to the doctor for a prostate exam.
During the exam, he said,
“It’s not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate.”
A Very Excited Man Walks Into A Bar
A man walks into a bar. He is very excited. And the bartender asks,
“Hey, Mark, what has happened?”
Joke About Programming Languages
Question: Why are modern programming languages so materialistic?
Answer: Because they are object-oriented.
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Funny Meme About App Protection
Funny Meme About App Protection
The Dark Humor
“Mom, what’s dark humor?”
“Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand”
