What Is The Difference
A teacher was asking her class, “What is the difference between ‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?”
Only one hand shot up.
A Composition On The “My dog” Topic
The teacher gives a task to write a composition on the “My dog” topic. While checking the compositions she said,
“Jonathan, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Have you copied his?
The Psychic Hotline
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him,
“You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The Pharmacist
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist,
“Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
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Einstein, Newton, And Pascal
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter aside. Einstein says
That Uniform
A policeman goes home in the evening after work. Exhausted, he enters the dark bedroom and strips out of his uniform, leaving it on the floor.
He looks for the light switch but figures his wife is lying in bed and decides not to disturb her. Just before he’s about to get into bed, his wife speaks:
An Ungrateful Person
I saw my dwarf neighbor standing at the bus stop this morning so I stopped him.
I said, “Jump in! I’ll give you a lift!”
SUPPORT=FUNNY
Blondes Are Smart
A blonde pays a million dollars to use a stadium to prove blondes are smart.
She fills the stadium with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up to prove, on live TV, that blondes are smart. She starts simply with a math question.
Sunday Expectations
Sunday Expectations
An Angry Man Walked Into A Bar
An angry man walked into a bar, holding a gun in his hand, and shouted, “who slept with my wife?”
The bartender whispered to him, “Calm down man. I don’t think you have enough bullets in your gun.”
The True Love
He told her, “I’m not so rich, and I have no fancy cars, and I don’t own a company, and I don’t have a big house like my friend Benjamin, but I truly love you.
She was touched, she hugged him very tight and started crying. Then she whispered to him, “If you really love me, please, introduce me to your friend John.”
Multitasking
My wife told me women can multitask better than men.
I told her, “No they can’t and I can prove it.” she said, “OK prove it.”
Please Advise
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message….
She wrote:
The True Love
He told her, “I’m not so rich, and I have no fancy cars, and I don’t own a company, and I don’t have a big house like my friend Benjamin, but I truly love you.
She was touched, she hugged him very tight and started crying. Then she whispered to him, “If you really love me, please, introduce me to your friend John.”
SUPPORT=FUNNY
The Car Doesn’t Start
The blond wife calls her husband and tells him, “The car doesn’t start. Maybe there’s water in the engine?”
Husband asks, “Since when do you know about cars and mechanics? Where it is now?”
An Old Billionaire
A 65 years old billionaire got married to a beautiful 21 years old girl.
His friends asked him: “How could you convince her to marry you?”
