Praise The Lord
An Irish priest is driving home from a night at his favorite bar.
A police officer notices a car swerving all over the road and proceeds to pursue. The Irishman pulls over and the cop makes his way to the driver.
20 Years
A woman comes home to a dark house and sees her husband sitting there and crying.
“Hey honey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Not Much
An old man was eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walked in.
The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man’s pancakes.
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At The Airplane
The engine on the airplane sputters to a stop.
The captain comes over the intercom.
“Attention passengers we’ve had a minor problem with one of our engines, but we have three more and will only be a little late arriving at our destination”.
How Long
One day a guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.”
A Woman Goes To A Doctor
The woman, “Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately.”
Doctor, “Well, I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news…”
Two Women Are Talking
Two women are talking to each other. One asks, “Why don’t you give your husband a divorce?”
“What?! I have lived with him for eleven years and now I should make him happy?”
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Question And Answer
Son: Daddy, what’s it like to have the most awesome son in the world?
Father: I don’t know, ask your grandfather.
Question And Answer
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?”
Woman: “I couldn’t lift the table.”
It’s Raining Out There
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
Thank You
An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her Sons-in-law.
One day she was walking along a lakeshore with the first son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help. The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out onto the shore. The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes on his doorsteps with the words “Thank you!!! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much.!!!”
A Really Loving Couple
A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she requested him to shave his beard.
“Oh Martin, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
Chocolate and Viagra
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
“How are you grandpa?” he asks.
Appointment With The Gynecologist
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 A.M. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 A.M. The trip to the doctor’s office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare.
In The Doctor’s Examining Room
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
SUPPORT=FUNNY
Adam and Eve
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
