On a golf course, a woman was learning how to play golf, and in one attempt she fired a violent shot and realized that the ball hit a man who was nearby. He bends forward, squeezing his hands between his legs and moaning in pain. She immediately runs to him to apologize.
Kim Jong-Un and Vladimir Putin were having a summit meeting at a 20-story building.
During a break, the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: some milk, eggs, orange juice, coffee, bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
I once met a man who had been married for 50 years.
“Amazing. 50 years!” I said.
Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up a deer steak and served it to the husband and children.
The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer.
“Look, I’ll give you 200 dollars if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to love, honor and obey and forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever, I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.”
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said:
“That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
A small boy was lost at the beach, so he went up to a lifeguard and said,
“I’ve lost my dad!”
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 years old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
Three men go out selling Bibles to raise money for their church. At the end of the day, the three meet up to discuss their success.
First was proud to say that he sold 5 Bibles and made 50 dollars for the church.
A Finn, Swede, and Norwegian were on a plane. The pilot announced: “Too much weight! Too much weight!”
Long
The Norwegian dropped an orange off the plane. The pilot repeated: “Too much weight! Too much weight!”
A math professor has a problem with his sink so he calls a plumber.
The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, “How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck.” But he pays it anyway.
Little Matthew, while at a neighbor’s, was given a piece of bread and butter, and politely said, “Thank you.”
“That’s right, Matthew,” said the woman. “I like to hear little boys say ‘thank you’.”
A boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father, “Really, what?”
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