Observing the baby one night the wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib.
Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping baby, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions – disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
Three freshman engineering students were sitting together at lunchtime when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.
One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses. Another disagreed and proclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body. The system of levers and pullies is ingenious.
There were four brothers, Somebody, Nobody, Brain, and Mad.
One day Somebody got angry and killed Nobody, then Brain crying went to the toilet. Mad phoned the police and said, “Somebody killed Nobody”.
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.
A drunk stumbles out of the bar and phones the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
“They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator,” he cries out.
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign.
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender,
“Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.”
Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for a deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.
One of the hunters stopped opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of running shoes. His buddy looked at him and said,
Two Hindus meet on the street.
One asks the other: “Hi, how are you?”
A woman returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor.
“I did everything wrong again, today,” she said.
A man was stranded on a desert island for a long period. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.
Man: “Hi! I’m so happy to see you here.”
A hunter, went on a camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law.
One evening, while still deep in the forest, his wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of a drink, and started to look for her.
In a school science class four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
Two lawyers had been life long friends. They were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
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