Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out.
They try using their cell phones to get help but have no luck. Even the phones are out. After a few hours of being stuck with no help, one of the blondes says to the others,
A woman went to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor puzzled said, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
A man decided to paint the toilet seat while his wife is away.
That day the wife came home sooner than expected. She went to the toilet, sat, and got the seat stuck to her back part. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put on a large overcoat to cover the stuck seat and they went.
A young lady went to her dentist. She sat on the dentist’s chair to get her tooth extracted. Seeing too many instruments she got frightened,
“Doctor, I would rather have a baby than my tooth pulled out.”
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His wife nervously said,
“Don’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
A drunken man walked out of a bar and saw two priests.
“I’m Jesus Christ”, he said to one of them.
Two missionaries get caught in Africa by a tribe of primitives. The chief of the tribe says
“We’ve captured you in our land! I shall give you a choice. ‘Death’ or ‘ugu’?”
Three blondes were talking on a tall building in the city. After a while, one of them jumped, hit the floor, and died. Then the second blond jumped, hit the floor, and died. The third blond jumped next. She hit the floor but she didn’t die.
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed.
One day there was a gay guy, a robber, and a drunk. They were living their life and one day the gay guy did his deed and poof… he is gone. Then the robber goes and robs a bank and poof… he’s gone. Then the drunk gets drunk at a bar and poof… he’s gone.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After some time he wanted to go to the toilet. He doesn’t want someone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it,
“I spat in this beer, do not drink!”
At a Catholic school, a teacher during the lesson asked his students,
“Now tell me, where is Jesus?
A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a magic lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.
“I am the most powerful genie in the world. I grant you a wish, tell me what you want.”
Jesus walks into a bar and says, “Can I have a glass of water?” Then he turns it into wine.
The bartender says “Jee what are you doing?”
One Sunday in church the priest told the ladies,
“If you know you are a virgin then stand up.”
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