A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to a very attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch.
An atheist in a restaurant asks, “What’s this fly doing in my soup?”
The waiter answeres, “It’s praying.”
A son to his mother, “Mom can I get thirty dollars”
The mother replies: Does it look like I am made of money ??
A man and his wife decided to get divorced.
They were in the divorce court, but the care of their children was a problem. The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she delivered the children, she should take care of them. The judge asked for the father’s justification. After a long silence, the father stood up and replied,
A new CEO at a company decided to fire all of the slackers, and when he gets done with that, he finds a dude leaning on his desk. He thinks,
“What is he doing here!?”
A very handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce perfect children.
With that as his mission, he began searching for the woman. After a long period of searching, he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer just replied,
Two midgets go into a hotel, with two girls. They take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first midget is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend’s voice,
A lady walks into a car dealership. She walks around, spots, and walks over to the most exciting car to inspect it.
As she bends over to feel the car, she inadvertently farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a salesperson doesn’t pop up right now. She turns around, and the salesman is standing right behind her. Displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady,
Two rural women were digging potatoes in the field one day. The first pulled out two big ones. She turned to the second and said,
“Hey you know, these potatoes remind me of my husband’s balls.”
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. St Peter asks the first,
“Have you ever sinned?”
A British, a French, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
“Look at their reserve, their calm,” says the British. “They must be British.”
A woman arrives in the kitchen and sees her husband with a fly swatter and asks,
“What are you doing?”
A guy finally managed to convince his secretary to go out with him. When they got into the car, wanted to fasten her seat belt and let out a loud fart.
“Excuse me. I hope will be just between the two of us.”
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