An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom…

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. ‘I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full version. Give my friends lyrics sheets, so they can join in. I want a full backing orchestra. A gospel choir. When we reach the crescendo I want to fire an AR15 into the air, to celebrate our God-given rights to bear arms’

It will be done, says the genie

The Japanese guy goes next. ‘I love my country too. Nothing represents it better than our wonderful cuisine. Please let me taste one more time, the delicacies of my village. I want fermented sticky soybeans. Fresh sea urchin. Raw horse meat. Pickled seaweed. Sugared omelets. And please….provide enough so I can share the meal with my friends’

It will be done, says the genie

The Englishman quietly approaches the genie, and whispers in his ear

‘Just kill me before the food and that bloody song’